Ramblings From Justin Penney

I know I'm not old but as I age I can tell things in me changing. Some are obvious and physical, like my protruding belly and advanced weight, chronic back pain, knees that don't cooperate in the morning. The last two give my mom quite a bit of vindication. She always said that all the skateboarding and falling and jumping would catch up with me. It is. I don't really mind that much as it's still worth it to me.

The changes that are more neat to me are the mental ones. I'm calmer. I can take my time on projects... sometimes at least. I can control my panic disorder with just my will. There seems to be a cost to that. My focus can't be spread like it used to. Some nights it's hard to fall asleep with the TV on, it used to be hard to sleep with it off. It's hard to write while I listen to music with vocals. The upshot is that I hear the lyrics now! I never really valued lyrics much. They needed to be cool, but most times I would never even notice the actual words until after tens of listenings. It seems like now the words jump out into my ear. If I'm writing and listening to music their words just take me in and I start listening and not writing.

# posted by Justin @ 3:19 PM