Ramblings From Justin Penney

In my little fantasy land I have all the tiem in the world to do all the things that I want. I can definitely practice with The Bad Ideas while I take back the rental car from my trip to St. Louis and pick corn and spend quality time with my family at the same time. It seems like lately I'm trying so hard not to miss anything that I am so stressed out that I miss a lot more.

I keep overbooking myself. I have a Palm Zire that does it's job... when I can find it. I know my famliy is neglected but so is everything. Work, practice, fun, eating, sleeping (which takes a big back seat), recording... there's a lot to fit in.

It's hard to fit infinite interests into the finite concept of time, especially since sometimes you have to sleep. I feel like I have to sleep alot more now. Not like to the point of seeking medical help but a month or two of 4 - 6 hours a night doesn't cut it. I can't keep things straight in my head anymore. I can still go a while but I'm not the insomnia champion like I used to be.

I wish work weren't work. I always associated with the saying, "If you love your job, you'll never work a day in your life." I don't hate my job... but many days it's definitely work. If they things I loved made enough money to support my famliy I'd surely "work" a lot less but I'd likely be doing my job more. The scary part there is the overwhelming possibility that your hobby will turn into to a burden. I used to love computers until I started working with them. No education to speak of, just a desire and willingness to learn and I've had what was at one point my dream job numerous times and I'm still empty. I get little glimmer of hope but mostly I feel like I spent 8+ hours a day not moving me forward.

So I squeeze my time. I push on my friends. I lean on my famliy. Sometimes I feel selfish doing the things I want to do, but no one else felt strongly enough to disagree so the ship is going my way. As I read the last sentence I realise that it sounds very egotistical... but I really don't think that is my intent. I'm always happy to be the passenger (in life... not in the car, I like to drive... unless I'm drunk at which point motorised vehicles are the most surreal thing man has invented... other than that funny shiny light thingy over there.), but I'm not dropping anchor.

# posted by Justin @ 12:21 AM